avoiding brain-wear

I took a little walk today on my lunchbreak.  

I’m very blessed and lucky to work in a job that I’m passionate about.  However, that can be a double-edged sword.  We tend to overindulge in the things we’re passionate about, don’t we?  I know I’ve done this with lots of things.  It’s like my sister Bobbi said when I was describing it to her:  it’s like Oreo’s.  If you like them, you always tend to eat them until you make yourself miserable and don’t want to look at or think about an Oreo for at least a month. 

I don’t want to do that with my work.  But sometimes I find myself thinking about marketing and advertising and media and branding and business and writing and blogging more than is healthy, even for a “professional.”  I don’t want to be one of those ad guys (or ad girls) who gets burned out after a few years and leaves the business to start her own earthworm farm.  Not that there’s anything wrong with starting an earthworm farm–but if the earthworms are just there because you’ve made yourself sick of something you used to love, that ain’t cool.

I used to love comic books, and I’d often do the same thing with them.  Just completely lose myself in them until I needed to come up for air. 

Passion is good. Smothering yourself with a passion, not so much. 

June 28, 2007 | Filed Under the soulful life, the writing life | 2 Comments 

what’s in a name?

Well, it’s official.  I’ve taken the first steps toward doing something I’ve been thinking about for a long time: changing my name. 

Don’t freak out–I’m not changing it drastically and I’m not getting divorced.  I’m just adding my last name back in and hyphenating it.  I have a few reasons for doing this, and Chris and I have talked about it and he’s completely supportive.  

First, (and this is going to sound stupid) my last name is significantly cooler and easier to live with than it was fifteen years ago, thanks to the international soccer star and metrosexual who shares my dad’s name.  No more having to spell “B-E-C-K-H-A-M” two or three times for people like I had to do in high school. 

Second, my dad didn’t have any sons, and while his brothers have sons, that’s not the same. 

Third, for professional reasons, “Katina Beckham-French” has some advantages over “Kat French” or “Katina French.” 

There are a couple of other reasons as well, but those are the three least complicated ones.  :) 

June 27, 2007 | Filed Under the daily brew | Leave a Comment 

positive christianity

Today’s sermon at Sojourn was pretty good, and it really spurred some reflection in me regarding the nature of the Christian life. 

We were going over a passage in Matthew, chapter 24, where Jesus was warning the disciples about what was going to happen after His death and resurrection.  The minister pulled three key points out of the passage: first, that deceivers will come; second, to not be alarmed when terrible things happen; and third, to be faithful. 

An interesting side note that the minister made was that once, he had worked for a bank, and they had extensive training on recognizing counterfeit bills.  However, they didn’t spend much time going over the countless methods people use to counterfeit.  They spent an intense amount of time going over and over the real bills: how they felt, how they looked, all the little details of real currency.  The idea was that you should be so familiar with the real thing, that the fakes would immediately be obvious. 

In life, deceivers will come.  And they will come in an infinite variety of directions and approaches, custom-designed to catch you off-guard.  You could try to “arm yourself” by concentrating on all the ways the Devil is trying to deceive people.  Or you could concentrate on really, deeply getting to know the real thing, so intimately that the fakes immediately become obvious, no matter what form they take. 

Now honestly, how do you think Jesus would rather you dedicate your time?  Getting to know Him deeper and more completely, or trying to uncover and expose all the Devil’s schemes?  Which do you think is a better use of your time and energy?  Honestly?  Where was Jesus’ focus?  The Father’s will, or the Devil’s plans?  Do you really think you have enough time to do both well? 

The more I really study the scriptures and delve into them, particularly the gospels, the more I am convinced that the Christian life is essentially positive.  I’m not saying that it’s perky and well-adjusted.  I’m saying that it should be more focused on adding in the things of spiritual significance–the things that Jesus stressed as important and valuable–than focused on eliminating all your bad habits and sins. 

I’m not saying sin isn’t a problem; I’m saying it’s a problem that in the larger scheme has already been taken care of for us.  I’m not saying ignore your sin or keep sinning, any more than Paul was saying ”let sin abound so grace may abound,” in Romans 6.   If you get a chance, read the whole chapter in the Message.   Here’s a bit of it (emphasis mine):

That means you must not give sin a vote in the way you conduct your lives. Don’t give it the time of day. Don’t even run little errands that are connected with that old way of life. Throw yourselves wholeheartedly and full-time—remember, you’ve been raised from the dead!—into God’s way of doing things. Sin can’t tell you how to live. After all, you’re not living under that old tyranny any longer. You’re living in the freedom of God. 

What is God’s way of doing things?  Loving God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength.  Loving your neighbor as yourself.   These are active commands.   Essentially positive and expansive, not restrictive and eliminating.  They force you to expand your worldview beyond me and my sin and me-me-me to include a big, beautiful, holy, loving, graceful God and my poor, scattered, screwed-up, broken neighbors and all the things standing between them and a relationship with God. 

It’s a bigger and scarier world to think that way, because you are much smaller within it.  And the people in it are more real–not all the faceless “lost” for whom you throw up a prayer or for whom you expose the evils of Oprah for their protection.   They become Joe, who is depressed and occasionally annoying– and needs someone to be his friend anyway.  Or Jane, who beats her kid because she’s caught in a cycle of addiction.  Or Jane’s kid, who is trying to figure out what she did wrong to get beaten.  It may get big enough that the real people are living in another country somewhere and have names you can’t pronounce and problems you can’t currently conceive of. 

My hands are not clean in this.  Or perhaps my hands are too clean, kept that way because I have not reached out to dig into someone else’s quicksand and if nothing else, just be a firm thing to grab onto.  I know that living a “positive Christian life” is not a neat, tidy thing, focused on stripping the dirty words and thoughts and actions out of my life.  It seems to me that it would have to be a gritty thing.

I feel that I am preparing for a long and dangerous journey.  Better pack well. 

June 25, 2007 | Filed Under the daily brew | 1 Comment 

Who Do Voodoo? You Do.

I’ve been pretty vocal about the fact that I am sort of a marriage … fanatic?  I’m a big believer in the sanctity of marriage.  But like Inigo Montoya, I do not think it means what you think it means, and that causes a lot of confusion. 

Here’s a short list of marriage-related issues that I don’t get upset about:

  • Gay and Lesbian Marriage or Civil Unions
  • Movies and television shows that depict infidelity
  • I’m pretty sure there’s more, but those two are enough for a decent discussion.

Here’s the thing.  I think marriage is sacred.  Yes, I do.  I think it was created by God as our intended way of getting through life together.  I think marital fidelity is a critically important issue, and that the lack thereof is a cancer that is destroying families and individuals from within.

Marriage is what it is; a sacred unbroken covenant between two people.  I can call my Chevy a Honda; but I can’t get Honda to pay the warranty if it breaks down.  I can call the tree in my front yard Joe Bob, but it won’t answer me when I call.  God created marriage, gave it a name and certain characteristics.  If people want to call something that isn’t what God made marriage, it doesn’t really change the real thing that God made.

God made, for lack of a better term, real things.  He made trees and water and wonder and imagination and kindness and compassion.  These are all real things.  Genuine, pure things.  People make “brands.”  We make intellectual constructs.  We make idols. 

The problems often come when we try to pretend that the things we make as a representation of the real thing God made is the real thing in substance and fact.  The legal construct of marriage is not the same thing as the marriage God made, any more than the burrito you get at Taco Bell is the same thing as a real burrito from some Mama’s kitchen in Guadelajara.  I think people understand this whether they can articulate it or not. 

Real marriage is leaving your family of origin, including all their assorted baggage, behind.  Even though it’s not comfortable.  Even though you think there might be some stuff in that baggage that you need.  You leave it behind. 

Real marriage is forsaking all others.  Forsaking fantasizing about the model in the magazine.  Forsaking daydreaming about the hero in your romance novel or on your favorite soap.  Forsaking even thinking “If I wasn’t married to Joe Bob,” or Sue… and any trains of thought that hitch up to that engine. 

Real marriage is making the decision, every single day, to be married.  Whether you like it or not. 

I don’t get upset if a gay couple wants to call their relationship a marriage.  To me, that says they see something in the God-spawned institution of marriage that’s worth having.  Maybe they’ll follow that line of thinking to good places.  I don’t think they’re expecting spiritual blessings from the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.  Or maybe they are; I think if they desire those blessings, that’s automatically a good thing that leads good places.  I think maybe they’d like decent insurance coverage.  Can’t really blame them on that one; it’s hard to come by these days. 

I don’t get upset when I see shows like Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives or House, where infidelity has played a prominent role in the plotline.  Let’s be real here; infidelity happens.  More than it should.  More than people who haven’t experienced it want to know.  Does television portray it in an unrealistic and glamorous way? Yup.  They do the same thing with cleaning the toilet, or haven’t you ever seen a Clorox Toilet Wand commercial?  (They can’t even be honest enough to call it a toilet brush or scrubber.  It’s a “wand.”  Oooohh.  Ahhhhh. Magical.) 

Anyone with half a brain understands that reality is generally much less fun and glamorous than television.  I prefer not to watch when shows portray infidelity in a romanticised light.  I find there is a miraculous device called a remote that enables me to avoid those shows.  I also understand that taking infidelity off television would do nothing to remove it from the real world.

Do I believe as Christians we need to stand up for marriage? Absolutely, positively, without question.  Every time you publicly praise and encourage your spouse, you stand up for marriage.  Every time you refuse to badmouth them when they’re not in the room, while the rest of the guys or girls are complaining about “the old ball and chain,” you stand up for marriage.  Modeling and living real marriage is the only thing that people who don’t believe in it will ever hear. 

Let me say that again: living a real marriage is the only thing that can show people what it is, and isn’t.  Shouting, protesting, irate blogging and legislature are remarkably ineffective ways to change someone’s beliefs.  It’s no more convincing to people who don’t believe marriage is sacred than the Toilet Wand commercial is convincing me that I will someday enjoy brushing and flushing. 

I think people want a little voodoo doll they can hold and feel in control.  They think if they can define marriage and make everybody else agree to that definition, it somehow protects them from marriage-gone-wrong.  Like we can legislate enough to make people stop cheating.  Or stop being homosexual.  Or heck, put the seat down.  But the U.S. Congress can’t make God’s real marriage any less real or meaningful, because it can’t make it any more real or meaningful, either.  They’re not the same thing.  The only thing that can guarantee me a real marriage is for Chris and I to decide, every day, to be really married.  To incarnate God’s creation of marriage in the real world. 

Another thing about real stuff.  Real stuff changes people; their minds, their hearts, and their beliefs.  Sometimes, even their actions. 

June 22, 2007 | Filed Under the daily brew | Leave a Comment 

ants, spleens and purpose

I think that in terms of the body of Christ, I must be the spleen.  Nobody’s sure exactly what it does, but you have this vague idea that you need it.

I must confess that I don’t have the foggiest idea what your spleen is, or what it’s for.

I heard an interesting story at the Women of Faith conference last week about a high-tech ant farm (I think it was Sheila Walsh’s story). Instead of the usual sand, it was filled with this blue gel that supposedly had all the stuff ants needed to survive.  But the ants died and the toy was discontinued.  It turns out that the ants needed to build their little ant city of tunnels and such.  Without that purpose, without their reason for being, the ants died.

I’d like to know what I’m for.  I know what I’m good at.  I think I know why people who do like to have me around like to have me around.  But I’m not sure those things are what I’m here for.

June 22, 2007 | Filed Under the soulful life | Leave a Comment 

carried by the women i love, and carried home.

I just returned from the Women of Faith conference in St Louis last night with all four of the other HobKnobbers.  I love these women, and two-plus days with them just served to make me more deeply admire and respect all of them. Brave hardy souls, one and all, making their way on this journey with a tremendous amount of grace.

The speakers were very good, the worship music was very good, and I got to see my most favorite Christian singer ever, Nicole C Mullen who, judging by the jumbotron, is roughly 8 foot tall and whose magnificent arm definition inspired as much envy for us all as her incredible voice.

We had the most amazing Holiday Inn concierge of all time, Brett, who not only gave us stellar recommendations for an Italian restaurant in St Louis, but wrote us explicit directions, highlighted a map, and called ahead to make sure they had a table for us.

It was pretty much my intent to write one of those nifty, uplifting positive posts upon returning to “the real world” of laundry and dishes and the continuing effort to get Madeline to really commit to the potty as her sole method for relieving herself. But I didn’t know that I was not only returning to the world of laundry and potty training, I was returning to the fallen world. The world where death sometimes jumps in without warning to separate us from the ones we love.

Anyone who has known me any length of time has heard me talk about my grandma, Gigee. I was a weird kid. (I know–major shock there.) I’m not sure my parents were quite sure what to make of me, and I tended to state wild and crazy intentions. Like I wanted to grow up to be all sorts of outlandish, unrealistic things: an actress, an Olympic gymnast, a ballet dancer, a writer. And I think Mom and Dad felt like it was their duty to set me straight and keep my expectations “realistic.”

Gigee felt no such duty. I love my parents and I know they love me. I love my husband and I know he loves me. But aside from Jesus, the only person for whom I’ve never, ever doubted their absolute, unquestionable love for me was Gigee. I suspect she would have loved me had I turned ax murderer, but she never passed up an opportunity to tell me how special and how smart and how all around good she thought I was.

Please excuse me if my grammar gets a little sketchy in this one.

I’m currently blessed to have a lot of encouragers in my life. But I am down one really big one as of yesterday. My grandmother, Olivia Pearl Atha Gaines, passed away yesterday afternoon. I don’t know details yet. I don’t know when the funeral will be. Yes, I’m a mess.  Yes, I would appreciate your prayers. Yes, I’m bawling currently as I type this.

I know it will be okay.  Even now, when my stomach is knotted in grief and my heart literally aches for my loss, I’m grateful for Gigee. I know where she stood with Christ, and I know she’s with Him now, and with Pop, and with her beloved children, Sammy and my mom. She’s not sick anymore, and frail (which never fit her powerful personality).  The lupus that attacked her skin is gone and her beauty restored. She’s not going to blow up the house smoking while on oxygen (I swear to God, I really thought that was going to happen).

There is a much longer post in this than this, but I have neither the time nor the emotional ability to write it at the moment. Chris is making breakfast, and then we have to go down to Monterey. Just need to write this last.

Last week or two, on two or three separate days, I had the very strong feeling that I needed to go visit my grandma. I called her, and told her I would be down as soon as I could, but we’d had nonstop plans for a month now, every weekend. But I still had this feeling “Leave work, take a day, go down to Monterey and see her.” But I didn’t. I’m blessed that there was nothing unsaid between us, but I know that I got a warning, and an opportunity to see her one last time, and I passed it up.

Please, please, take a moment to at least call someone in your life who you know may not be here much longer.  Not tomorrow, and not later, now. Better yet, if there’s any way you can manage it, go see them.

God bless– will be back when I can.

June 17, 2007 | Filed Under the daily brew | Leave a Comment 

writing, writing, and more writing (just not here.)

Still on track with my Script Frenzy word counts at 4069 (the goal for today was 4002).  So I’m nearly a quarter of the way through!  Yay!  The hardest part so far was writing the “meet cute,” the part of the story where the two main characters meet.  I started writing knowing literally nothing more about the main guy than he was a single dad.   And by the time I got to the end of my word count for the day, my “hero” had a name, an occupation, and a definite… attitude.  :)
Me and romance (at least, typical romantic comedy, Meg Ryan/Julia Roberts movie romance) have not really been on speaking terms for a while now, so I was honestly not certain until I started writing that scene whether I was writing a melodrama/mystery or a romantic comedy.  It may yet take a mysterious, melodramatic turn.  But I got through the meet cute passably well, with two characters you more or less like, who you can more or less tell are going to end up liking each other.

At work, I have to finish about 50 or more pages of content for one particular site by Friday.   That’s in addition to three press releases, one page of optimized content, revised content for a twenty-page site, draft content for two or three other sites, and various and sundry other pieces of writing that are due by the end of the month.   So I’m a little dry when it comes time to blog.  Not to mention that life has been blissfully free of excess drama for the last couple of weeks.

I am really looking forward to going to Women of Faith next week, so I think I’ll probably have lots to say after that.  The entire group of Hob Knobbers will be traveling together.  Yay!!!!!

And I’m definitely going back to the bellydancing class on Sunday.  I can’t quit till I figure out how to do that darn Shakira “boob rotation” properly and determine whether or not my hips do or do not, in fact, lie.

June 7, 2007 | Filed Under the writing life | Leave a Comment 

script frenzy update

Current Word Count:  2708

Target Word Count:  2668

Current plot point:  Just after the meet-cute.

Plot issue resolved:   Figured out how to break the gypsy curse. 

Plot issue still unresolved:  Need resources on appropriate names for two Romany gypsy characters. 

June 5, 2007 | Filed Under the writing life | 2 Comments 

real food for real bodies

Two related happenings over the weekend.

I sat down to eat my dinner in my bedroom Saturday night. On my plate was a “cheese dog” on a white hot dog bun, and Spongebob Macaroni and Cheese.

Now, this is in no way any offense to Chris, who cooked the meal and did an excellent job as always. I am very grateful that Chris does so much of the cooking. Yay, Chris, for being an excellent husband and very good cook!

However, I took one bite, and I just couldn’t do it. I had this blinding moment of clarity when I realized that there was not a single mouthful of what I would term “actual, real food” on the plate. First, we had the “cheese dog”–compressed bits of meat that literally “didn’t make the cut” to be included in a real piece of meat, and injected with something posing as cheese. Then we had the white bread bun, which bore no resemblance to having any relationship with an actual grain. Last but not least, we had the Spongebob Macaroni and Cheese, which is technically not macaroni (which any Italian will tell you is elbow-shaped, not Patrick-Starfish-shaped) and definitely not cheese.

We had a guest, and I just wasn’t willing to have that conversation in front of them, so I acted like a third grader and scraped my plate out the bedroom window. I apologize formally to any of the constipated squirrels in my yard who ate it. White bread does not “keep the colon rollin’,” as friend Daryn says.

So, henceforth, I’m trying to make an effort to limit my intake of food to…um… actual food. Food that has a discernable relationship with some sort of natural source. Meats that are obviously the flesh of some animal. Grains that have… grains… in them. Vegetables. Fruits. Dairy products that were once on intimate terms with a dairy-producing animal. In short, food that comes, if indirectly, from a farm, not a laboratory, factory or “plant.”

On a related topic, I went to my first-ever belly-dancing class Sunday afternoon. It was hard. I was a little encouraged by the fact that it seemed to be as hard for the skinny 18 year old as it was for me, a 34 year old mother of two who hasn’t exercised seriously in over 7 years. And honestly, the moves look better on someone with a few more curves. It’s the only exercise class I’ve ever been to where the curvier students looked better when doing the moves marginally right than the skinnier students looked doing them more accurately. Let’s face it, undulating your hips looks better when you actually HAVE hips.

The instructor was really sweet, and made a point of telling me I did well at “pushing out your stomach like you’re trying to look pregnant.” Gee. Thanks.  Never been complimented on that particular skill before, but hey, we take our praise wherever we can get it these days.

June 4, 2007 | Filed Under the ordered life | 2 Comments 

script frenzy status

Total word count needed to win:  20,000

Deadline:  June 30

Average word count per day to complete:  667 words per day for 30 days.

Current word count after day 1:  869

Number of times I’ve cussed the CAPS LOCK key attempting to use screenplay format:  3

Probability I will put the screenplay here for download, assuming I complete it:  100%

Probability I will complete this, given I haven’t completed NaNoWriMo in three years of trying:  25%

June 2, 2007 | Filed Under the writing life | Leave a Comment 

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